...long time...

So I guess it's fair to say that it's been a long while since i've updated this thing...lol Things are kind of going better and getting better i guess you could say. My whole family is finally home and together, feels kind of nice with everything and today was my sis's 18th birthday which was fun we went into to Dallas for dinner and i made her a brownie cake with ice cream n' peanut butter cups. So all is well with the family. I can't wait to see EVERYONE, got less than a month left and i'm getting very ANXIOUS...who i miss most would have to be JESSICA and then there's ryan and jade and ian....lol but omygoodness so many more to count i am so excited! even though i can only see ian the first day i get there and they'll all be in school over half the time and i won't be there for long...I CAN'T WAIT it's like you don't truely realize all you have until you don't have it right there anymore...and i no that it prolly sounds really corny...lol but i swear it's true. Now time to get serious....mmmk...one thing i have not come to understand is how when things go wrong in a relationship whether it be friends or more that your the one left with all the blame and pain of it all when the whole reason there was a problem and the reason things turned out the way they did is their fault in reality they made it this way why are you the one suffering all the consequences instead of them? It's hard to sympethize with them when they hurt you soo much but it's like they want you to and feel bad for them or maybe is it just to forgive you? IDK but then again that goes to the topic of God and if you believe in him and all the religious stuff or not...hm...ok new topic...how is it that guys "...navigate..." or tend to, to one or two gurls to cheat on their girlfriends with...is it desire or just the knowing fact of that this gurl has been known to do that and know they can get something what is it? is it a bad thing? I no it's not always good but then again it's how you look at it, i'm not sure...my best guy friend...i miss him SO much i can't even begin to understand it. i tell him EVERYTHING and ANYTHING even if it doesn't relate he understands what i go through and can relate to most but even if he doesn't get it or agree with any of it he'll act like he does to help me the most i can call him at 2 in the morning and he'll talk to me for an hour even if he has to get up early for work and knows he shouldn't be on the phone. what makes someone care so much for one person? even if the same problem i have later comes to him and the result seems to show better differently and reactions are different even in the same situation. sometimes friends and things are very hard to understand but i do know that he cares alot about me and helps me with everything and i care so much about him and try my hardest to do the same even though i know i probably don't always help even though he says i do to make me feel special and important. Leave it on the note of good and that i love all my friends and miss them very much, and right now i am happy but still full of thoughts.